How casually these words flow off our tongues. How deeply us women are touched, are moved by them.
To know we are deeply loved for who we are, imperfections and all. To gaze into the eyes of another and feel that deep connection.
I think it’s a trap.
I used to believe in that kind of love. That romantic, toss care to the wind kind of love.
We are open
Do I now? I’m not so sure. I think it may be an illusion. I think maybe we’ve been lied to girls.
Anyway, this passage from author and phycologist Scott Peck really stood out to me. I will write it down and paste it right next to my end table. Maybe it will help keep me grounded next time ‘prince charming’ comes along professing his love for me.
“Love is not a feeling; real love is an action, an activity.
“When we love someone our love becomes demonstrable or real only through our exertion–through the fact that for someone we take an extra step or walk an extra mile. Love is as love does, not as love says.
“Moreover, real love is a choice. We don’t have to love, we choose to love. If we are not loving, it is not because we are not feeling loving; it is because we have made the choice not to love. Real love does not have its roots in a feeling of love. To the contrary, real love often occurs in a context in which the feeling of love is lacking, when we act loving despite the fact we don’t feel loving.
“The tendency to confuse love with the feeling of love allows people all manner of self-deception. Many, many people possessing a feeling of love and even acting in response to that feeling act in all manner of unloving and destructive ways. On the other hand, a genuinely loving individual will often take loving and constructive action toward a person he or she consciously dislikes, actually feeling no love toward the person at the time and perhaps even finding the person repugnant in some way.
“True love is not a feeling by which we are overwhelmed. When love exists it does so with or without a loving feeling. Genuine love, therefore, is volitional rather than emotional. The person who truly loves does so because of a decision to love, to be a loving person. This person has made a commitment to be loving whether or not the loving feeling is present. If it is, so much the better; but if it isn’t, the commitment to love, the will to love, still stands and is still exercised.”